Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Last Goodbye

I'm scared to move on because I'm worried that the second I'm happy with someone else, you'll pop up and ruin it. Ruin it by telling me that you want me, that you're sorry , that you still love me and that you miss me. I'm worried that I'll get so confused because I'll be so happy with him, but of course I'll still want you, and that will make me start crying all the time, end up losing the best relationship I ever had, just to have you get bored again and move onto some trashy girl. The worst part about all of this? I can see what you’re doing, you want me as an option, even if it is an option you'll never take.

You can tell me a hundred times that you’re sorry, and a thousand more that it won’t happen again, you know I used to love you more than anyone in this world, but all these lies? I’m sorry, i can’t deal with that. 

I don't show people how I feel, I bottle everything up inside. The truth that I don't tell people is that in all honesty, I am torn, I am broken, I just carry myself well and hide it. I don't want to be one of those people who are constantly complaining about how much their life sucks or how they want to die. Unlike those people I will not seek your attention. I'd rather walk through life alone than become like that. I'm done thinking that you could ever change. I know my heart will never be the same but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.I will tell you everything is just fine even when it's not.

I could forgive you and forget everything that happened. But that wouldn't make it any better. We'll never be able to go back to the way it used to be. You had the world in your hands, but instead you threw it away. So don't expect me to feel sorry for something that was your own fault.

You’re the only person that ever made me feel anything, really feel. Even if it wasn’t always the best feelings, you’re the only one who could make me smile or tear me down in three seconds flat. You’re the only person that can drive me crazy, in both good and bad ways. You’re the only person that ever made me feel like I didn’t have to try so hard.

But hey! You're pathetic. You tell every girl exactly what they want to hear just to make sure everyone likes you. But in the end, they all end up hating you.
Just because we're not together doesn't mean I can't miss you. Just because I miss you doesn't mean I want you back. Don't be mad because I don't care anymore. Be mad because I once did, and you were too blind to see.

Don't worry about me. My heart's not broken anymore. You should be worrying about yourself. Because, as far as I can see, you're still an asshole. I could failed a spelling test because if they asked me how to spell player, I will put down your name.

Just never lie to a girl, trust me - if she finds out, you're fucked. Being an asshole to a girl, doesn't make you look cool and just because you have a dick, doesn’t mean you have to act like one.

Yeah im smiling now, but you’re not the reason anymore.
When im a little girl, I believe in fairy tales. They say you're going to find Prince Charming and he will be all that you want him to be. In fairy tales the bad guy is quite easy to spot. He wears a black cape. Then you grow up and find out that Prince Charming isn't all that easy to find. The bad guy isn't wearing a black cape. He's really cute and he makes you laugh.

You know that feeling when you're just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out  that you kept in all day, that feeling of both relief and desperation? Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you're tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay, but no one's going to be there, and you know you have to be strong for yourself. But you're tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won't be, but you're still hoping and you're still wishing and you're still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes. You're fighting.

I'd be lying if I told you, losing you was something I could handle. But I guess it’s something I’m going to have to get used to. Because I did lose you. I don't hate you, I'm just disappointed you turned into everything you said you'd never be. I can promise you as long as you're trying, I'm staying.

You used to be someone that I was glad to know, but who you've become.. not so proud of you anymore. You used to have a big heart, and you used to sincerely care about me. Because all you are is a big lie. This is all an act on both parts. I'm pretending like I don't care about you and you're pretending that you do. You're not anyone special to me anymore, I'm used to this now. I've been hurt before. So leave me alone like you've always done, 'cause you've hurt me too much to be the right one.

I don't like how you and me completely switched places. You get mad at me for everything. I'm sorry I won't answer your calls anymore, and I'm sorry I'm not waiting for you. You waited too long to come back. I'm sorry I don't go places looking for you. It's not my problem anymore. You have to deal with it. I didn't do anything wrong here. You're mad that I'm over you? I'm sorry for that too, I honestly am, but I'm okay now. I don't have to worry about what you think about me. 

We ain't kids but we keep acting like we are. Playing stupid games, trying to break each other's hearts. Nobody wins and nobody's keeping score. Truth is, I just don't think I can do this anymore.

I hate the fact that I stayed with you even when I shouldn't to. I hate that you don't even care. I hate that you said forever. I hate that you lied. I hate that you built me up and tore me down. I hate how when I said forever I meant it. I hate how you controlled the relationship. I hate that I care so much. I hate that I shouldn't. I hate the fact that you don't want to be with me. I hate the fact that I'm here without you.
Instead of trusting you more, I trusted you less and now I’m free, and I’m not sorry. I had to get out. I knew it was over long before you said it. And I thought you broke my heart, but you merely made it stronger, made it resilient. Of course I’ll never forget you, but there’s no way I’m ever going back. Thank you for being such a fabulous waste of time.

"She's strong enough to walk away, but broken enough to look back. She moved on and she feels sorry for you, because she thought you were the most amazing guy ever. If she could have any guy in the world, she would've picked you above all the others. She thought you were different. But now, you're just another guy to her."

It was just like, reality came crashing down. You didn't matter anymore, I mean you did, but it wasn't all about you. I finally figured out what I deserve and it wasn't the person who I thought all along. You made me go through enough tears, enough pain, enough heartache to not deserve me. No, we can't be friends. No, we can't talk.. No, no, no. I don’t wanna know you're with her. I can't take it anymore..

I still miss you, but not like I did before. The intense aching I felt isn't there anymore. I still whisper your name, though not as often as I used to. Now it may be once before the day is through. I still hear your voice replaying in my mind, but it's fading now. Soon, silence I will find. I still think about you and wonder how you are, but my feelings have changed and they don't go as far. I still feel you sometimes or maybe it's just a little memory of how it used to be. I still love you but it's just not as strong because I'm letting you go now, so we can both move on. You still have a piece of my 
heart because I always feel you here. Now I'm hoping and praying that it will quickly disappear. This will be my last goodbye, I've nothing else to say. Everything I felt for you can now just fade away. I'm telling you this and I'm meaning it. Goodbye. For now & forever.

Bisik2 :
Dear Tummy, sorry for all the butterflies.. 
Pillow, sorry for all the tears.. Heart, sorry for all the damage..
Brain, you were right..